Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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