I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
