We're like a lot better than the average bears
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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