her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
