i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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