I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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