I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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