i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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