he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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