how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
