There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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