He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
