I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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