your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
