i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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