My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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