Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you never un-have a 4some
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
