Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
