using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
