Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
