There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
