It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
