I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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