smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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