thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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