I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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