it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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