Where is the hickey?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am naked and annoyed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need water and some morals
Randomize
