im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
