ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
