I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
