Me too!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
