hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Randomize
