Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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