i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
