I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize