he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
