I want to have your abortion
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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