New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
