Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We donβt talk about that enough
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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