Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
