Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
