maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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