the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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