hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
