Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
