You just made me feel so damn special
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
