Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
