My nipple is on Facebook.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
