New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
