why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
