I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
