i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
