Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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