fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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