Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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