I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
