I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
