I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
