nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we're making bets on your personal life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
