In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
