Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
