What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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