He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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