I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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