I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
