What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
