About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
