But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
