happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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