Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
