Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
