Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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