you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
