in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize