butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
