just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
